COMEDY AND JOKES - 6

1. The pickle slicer

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.

He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.

"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, Bill, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"My God, Bill, what happened?"

"I got fired."

"No, I mean what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh . . . she got fired too."

2. Sex on a deserted island

There was a cruise ship that was going through some rough waters that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small abandoned island.

There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl.

They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it.

Well time went by and of course the guys still had their 'needs'. But after a couple of years they began to feel absolutely horrible about what they where doing.

So . . .

. . . they buried her.

3. Rodeo sex

Two guys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first guy says his favorite position is the "rodeo".

The other guy asks what the rodeo position is, and how to do it?

The first guy says, "You tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then do it doggy style. Once things start to get underway and she's really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear - "Your sister likes this position too".....

Then try to hang on for 8 seconds."

4. The stowaway

A depressed young woman is so desperate that she decides to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she goes down to the docks, a handsome young sailor notices her tears, takes pity on her, and says,

"Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."

Moving closer, he slips his arm around her shoulder and adds, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nods 'yes.' After all, what does she have to lose?

That night, the sailor brings her aboard and hides her in a life-boat. From then on, every night he brings her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they make passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she is discovered by the captain.

"What are you doing here?" the Captain asks.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explains. "He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me."

"He sure is, lady," says the Captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

5.A special frog

A girl wanted to get her boyfriend a pet for his birthday. She goes to the pet store only to find all the animals are too expensive for her budget. The owner of the pet store asks how much she has to spend. She answers, "Fifty dollars."

He tells her he has the perfect pet for her boyfriend and takes her to the back room. There sits a huge bullfrog. The owner of the store tells her its hers for only $50. She asks "Why so much for just a bullfrog?"

The owner tells her, "He is a special frog... he gives blow jobs." Thinking this would be the perfect gift for the boyfriend, she buys the frog and takes him home.

The boyfriend is, at first, puzzled, by his birthday gift but the girl tells him to be patient and the idea of this monstrous amphibian sharing their home will grow on him. She is quite pleased with herself for finding such a great gift and heads off to bed early, leaving her man and his frog alone, watching television.

An hour later she is awakened by pots and pans clanking in the kitchen, so she gets up to investigate. She peeks around the corner to see her boyfriend and the frog with pots and pans scattered about the kitchen and a cookbook in front of them.

She asks, "What on earth are you doing?"

The boyfriend says,
"If I can teach this frog to cook, you're outta here!!!"